"Chernobyl Diaries" (2012)

The Hills Have Eyes 3: Scary Ukrainian Version

"Chernobyl Diaries" (2012) Review

 

There are a lot of great horror films which do not have, for instance, great acting, great camera work, or even great scripts/ stories. For instance, "The Descent" (2005) was overacted and distractingly dark (in a cinematographic sense), yet it was a phenomenal film. "Chernobyl Diaries" is not one of these horror films.

"Chernobyl Diaries" uses the familiar notion of the abandoned town (in this instance the infamous Chernobyl) populated horrifying monstrous zombie creatures and introducing the element of douche bag American tourists into post Red State Ukraine as they tour the abandoned city of Chernobyl (not reaching the city until nearly half way through the film though) and find themselves stranded there yet not alone. Trying to describe the film's plot is that simple, and frankly, with a line like, "nature has reclaimed it's rightful home," how can this not be a glorified X-Files episode.

The film, staring relative unknown actors Jesse McCartney as Chris, and Jonathan Sadowski as Paul, two brothers who treat one another like frat boys and have little history otherwise, as well as Olivia Dudley as Chris' soon to be fiancé (and whenever that's introduced in a horror film, it is a death sentence), and Devin Kelley as Amanda, the singe girl traveling with the bunch who under normal horror film scenarios would be the one to live (and in this circumstance it doesn't really matter who lives and dies as they all in the end die) yet in this film was unnecessarily killed off in the last five seconds of the film. Perhaps the most convincing of these half assed fashionista performances was that of Dimitri Diantchenko as Uri, a San Franciscan who has been unfortunately given the role in life of playing the eastern european badass. Diantchenko knows his role (mainly as the tour guide who keeps the horror under wraps until all hell breaks loose) and makes it abundantly clear that he will be the first to die when we are introduced to him.

The film has strong promise despite a plot that is possibly a bit too stale for today's cinema having been repeated again and again since the inception of horror, has serious potential to build tension. This is dwindled down to a few shots such as that of Amanda seeing a figure in one of the windows when looking at a photograph, or Uri destroying evidence of a campfire (probably created by one of the zombie mutants raising a whole other series of questions.) By the time the film gets going, there is little to be excited about as the zombie attacks have little looming threat and are all a series of pop out shots which are great for immediate reactions, yet in the long run have no appeal.

Ultimately the film feels as though it were written without any ending in mind yet simply written from scene to scene, which in the end had an ending which made the film simply confusing and pointless. I won't ruin the end for if one were to actually watch this film the end may be the only glimmer of hope in this pathetic attempt to endure some sense of fear in the viewer.

So should someone watch this movie? No, watch the stronger brothers and sisters of this film from whence the idea came. Those films, such as "The Hills Have Eyes" and "The Descent" are great films in their own right, and present truly horrifying events which work as a cohesive story. This film is simply unwatchable. Maybe nature should reclaim its rightful home.

Stars: 4/10